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When one of SRV parent Paul Okami's daughters needed proof that she was not the only student sentenced to a life of hard labor through at-home chores, Paul swung into behavioral research mode and queried the parent community on list serve for clarity and (with hope) some reinforcement. What kinds of chores are your children required to do at home?, he asked. The ensuing response suggested the makings of a Ph.D. dissertation.

New PCO Co-Chair Bethleigh Flanagan, on the lookout for PCO meeting topics that evolve organically within the community, invited Paul to share his findings and the resulting forum, "Cheers for Chores", held November 6, attracted a large group of parents of SRV students across gender and grade levels. To tie the subject into the broader theme of how chores are integrated into the SRV learning experience, Gloria Bonsall-Shepard, lead teacher, Main Circle, and Robin Lasersohn, SRV's Service and Partnership Coordinator, were also invited to share their perspectives.

Bethleigh opened the meeting by inviting attendees to quietly contemplate their own earliest memories of doing chores as a child and to think about how taking on new responsibilities in the household might feel to their children today. She then turned the floor over to Paul, who without naming names, shared some key themes that emerged in response to his list serve query:

1. Resistance – children claiming that "I'm the only one I know that has to do XYZ" and even after agreeing to take on specific tasks within the household, either continuing to protest or doing them complainingly.
2. Insecurity – Parents worried that they are spoiling their children by either not requiring enough participation in household chores or by not holding them accountable for honoring their commitments. Interestingly, Paul pointed out those parents who said they had strict standards for participating in chores did not second guess themselves or worry that they were being too hard on their children.
3. Every Child is Different – Parents with more than one child grappling with differing levels of responsiveness.
4. Older Kids Do More (and still resist at times) – Older SRV students were responsible for such jobs as doing laundry, cooking, cleaning bathrooms and babysitting younger siblings. One key observation was that older kids start to assume responsibility for putting away other family members' laundry too, as they start to see themselves as a part of a broader community, a point that Gloria and Robin also emphasized in their comments.
5. Flexibility is Key – Many parents recognized the need to go with the flow at times also noted that chore expectations can be divided into daily, weekly and as-needed categories.
6. Chores Build Character – Several parents believed that learning to be accountable for specific jobs is about more than getting help around the house, although this was clearly welcome as well!
7. The Compensation Quandary – Some parents reported compensating their children for doing chores above and beyond what was normally required of them and some drew up actual contracts to enhance the concept of accountability. Paul pointed out that many parents who paid their kids for doing chores felt defensive about it and anticipated criticism from other parents if their practices were to be made known.

Paul also reviewed some typical chores cited by parents of Primary and Main Circle students:

• Setting the table or after-meal clean-up, including cleaning the cooking area or stove
• Cleaning up own room once a week
• Folding and/or putting away own laundry
• Putting out tomorrow's clothes on school days
• Pet feeding
• Participation in recycling activities (dumping compost, for example)
• Making bed
• Emptying dishwasher

There were also "special" or occasional jobs that came up such as emptying the dehumidifier. For a digest of unattributed responses to Paul's original list serve query, you can e-mail him at: kozure.okami@comcast.net

After Paul's presentation, Bethleigh posed the following question to Gloria: "How do chores contribute to being active citizens of the community and what life lessons do they teach?"

Gloria, speaking in her capacity as a Main Circle teacher, observed that her students learn that Mom or Dad aren't at school ("Where's my jacket – it's almost as though they're looking for someone behind them!"), that they start taking responsibility for themselves. She offered the example that earlier in the day, her classroom was a complete mess and needed attention beyond the kids' everyday end-of-day jobs. She asked her students to "dig deep" and together they made the room look great in 15 minutes! Gloria used the experience as a natural teaching opportunity, pointing out that it would have taken her several hours to accomplish this by herself. They talked about the sense of doing a job as a community.

Gloria also addressed why our children often seem more motivated to do chores at school than at home: "There is perhaps a different level of investment in the classroom – we all own and share it." She noted that the children take pride in taking on extra tasks, frequently picking up cues about other children who might not be feeling well one day, for instance. There seems to be particular enthusiasm about caring for the classroom pet, including the less-than-glamorous job of weekly cage-cleaning. Gloria again observed that this task would probably not elicit as much eager participation on the home front, and that it was another example of pride in shared community.

Responding to Bethleigh's question about the link between chores and life lessons, Gloria posited the concept of a continuum of learning. One key example is organizational skills. For example, in pre-school and kindergarten, our children are responsible for sorting and putting away their toys when they are finished playing with them. While this may seem rudimentary on the surface, it plants the seeds for teaching everything from early math skills to how to organize a middle-school binder brimming with papers years down the road. Gloria pointed out that you can't just teach a middle schooler to become organized, that you need to lay the foundation in this continuum early on.

Building on Gloria's observations, Robin then presented the bigger picture of SRV's dual philosophy of active citizenship and deep commitment to the community: "Our approach to social responsibility starts in small, practical ways. We hope that these early experiences will ultimately contribute to whatever communities our kids become part of."

Robin noted that all students at SRV have jobs, starting in their classrooms when they are younger (with the rabbit cage example, the realization that someone needs to do it and why not me instead of just assuming someone else will take care of it) and expanding outward both on and off campus as they move to the upper grades (for example, partnering with a school in Philadelphia). Many of the chores at school are environmental, tying into one of the most pronounced SRV learning themes.

"One of the ultimate goals," Robin shared, "is that students begin to ask themselves, 'Who am I as part of a community'? a critical question in furthering a democratic society."

The meeting then opened up for a lively question and answer session. Representative questions and responses included:

Q: When is the right time to start formal chores at home?

A: Robin suggested engaging your children in a dialogue: "Is there a job you could do on a regular basis now then you're 6..." Robin shared that in her own household, the children would earn a new privilege or freedom and receive a new responsibility on every birthday. This was not viewed by her kids with dread, just as a natural part of growing up in the family.

Q: At what point should children start to internalize the value of doing chores versus needing to be forced or prodded?

A: Gloria responded that in her classroom, "generally speaking, the third graders need help and the fourth graders step up and pull the younger half in...it's part of the magic of multi-age groupings. A lot of this is role modeling – doing chores is one place where leadership plays out."

Robin added, "As teachers, we have the advantage of being a bit dispassionate – we are just not as enmeshed as parents at home," noting that she could relate to this dichotomy as a parent!

Q: How do you resolve the conflict between keeping chore commitments and other time pressures as kids get older? Do they practice the piano or set the table?

A: Bethleigh shared one practical solution that has worked in her own household – a Saturday morning "blitz" where everyone in the family works together for 45 minutes, each with assigned rooms, to get the house clean.

Other participants shared the importance of picking your battles as well as deciding which chores are really meaningful for your household ("do you really care if all the beds are made every day? – they just get messed up again!") versus something you just put up on a chart.

The meeting concluded reluctantly at a little after 8:00, with the room still abuzz with lessons learned and new approaches to try. Watch for upcoming announcements of PCO meetings and feel free to e-mail any suggestions on meeting topics to Bethleigh Flanagan (bleighf@comcast.net) or Janet Long (jlong@integritysearchinc.com).