From Lizard Brain to Wizard Brain: Helping Kids Manage Anxiety

Written by: Coryn Voce, Coordinator of Social Emotional Support & Amanda Smith, Middle Circle (3rd & 4th Grades) Teacher

Today, children are navigating an increasingly complex landscape of challenges. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, and with the increase of technology, studies show that anxiety has risen in young people, making everyday activities like going to school and making friends more difficult and stressful. So, if you find yourself wondering whether your child’s struggles are normal or how to best support them, you’re not alone. Parents often ask us questions like, “Is it normal for my child to get so nervous before school each morning?” “How can I tell if their anxiety is just a phase or something more?” “What can I do when my child refuses to try new things because they’re afraid?” In this blog, we’ll explore what anxiety looks like in children, when it might signal a need for extra support, and offer practical tips to help your child develop a toolkit for navigating life’s inevitable challenges. 

Let’s Talk About Anxiety: 

Anxiety isn’t inherently bad; in fact, it’s a natural and adaptive response that helps people avoid harm, problem-solve, and even learn. We often talk about anxiety with children as an alarm system. It’s an internal alert telling you that something could be wrong. Sometimes, the alarm system is helpful! It can signal that something is important to you and you have nerves about it, to be cautious when a stinging insect is nearby, or to pay extra attention when crossing the street. Anxiety can be a flag of sorts to remind you to practice a self-care skill, like taking a deep breath before sharing in front of a group or getting on stage at Hedgerow Theater for the Oldest Group play. 

When kids face manageable anxiety, endure the discomfort of it, and experience success, they gain pride and confidence, creating a foundation for emotional resilience. The child who feels nervous about performing in the play might work through their nerves, practice their lines, and ultimately feel a sense of accomplishment after the performance. Or a child who is anxious about a social situation, like transitioning from the preschool play yard boundaries to the rest of campus might feel uncertain at first but will gradually learn to explore with curiosity and confidence. By experiencing and overcoming these manageable anxieties, children not only build the skills to cope with challenges, but they also learn that discomfort doesn’t last forever and that they do have the strength to navigate tough things. 

When Does Anxiety Become a Problem?

That said, there’s a distinct difference between productive and problematic anxiety. While we don’t want to eliminate anxiety (and we couldn’t, even if we wanted to), we do want to address it when it shifts from natural, “healthy” anxiety to overwhelming, unhealthy anxiety. Chronic, intense, or disproportionate anxiety often interferes with a child’s ability to function in age-appropriate ways. For example, if a child experiences severe worry over something like wolves in the woods—even after being reassured there are no wolves in Pennsylvania—this fear may become all-consuming, potentially stopping them from going outside or even to school. In cases like these, the brain’s “alarm system” stays overactive, making it hard for the child to access their logical, problem-solving “thinking brain” – what we’ll explain as the wizard brain – and starts to get in the way of typical development. Generally, unhealthy anxiety shows up in a few key scenarios: 

• When we are outmatched by the situation and fail to avoid it
• When we avoid something but we actually do have the ability to manage it
• When it becomes chronic and intense, is consistently disproportionate to the situation, or is impairing in a major area of life functioning. (Cassano, 2024) 

Lizard to Wizard

At SRV, our Student Support Team uses the concept of “Lizard to Wizard” to help explain to children how anxiety and stress impact their brain functioning. It’s based on the idea that when we experience anxiety, our brains shift from rational, problem-solving thinking to a more primitive, reactive state – a lizard state! The “lizard brain” is the part of the brain that controls survival instincts, like the fight, flight, or freeze responses. When anxiety triggers this part of the brain, we experience both physical and emotional responses like fear, anger, or frustration, and it becomes difficult – if not impossible! – to think logically or problem-solve. The lizard brain is focused on surviving, and it doesn’t know if the risk is a lion chasing you or speaking in front of a safe group of peers. 

The “wizard brain,” on the other hand, is the part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) that handles higher level thinking, like planning, problem solving, and self awareness. When children (and adults) are in their wizard brain, they can think rationally, manage emotions, and make thoughtful decisions, like a good wizard could, rather than being overwhelmed by the animal-like fear responses a lizard brain provides. 

By teaching children to recognize when they’re in their “lizard brain” and providing tools to shift back to their “wizard brain,” such as deep breathing, mantras, or taking a break, they can learn to approach hard things with more confidence and self awareness. Now, a quick note, it’s important not to think of the “lizard-brain” as bad and the “wizard-brain” as good. Both parts of our brain are part of the same team, working to help us navigate the world. Our goal is for children to understand the different states and learn tools to help ground themselves when needed. This takes time, and knowing which brain state you are in is a powerful way to start. After all, children aren’t born with these skills. It takes practice—just like strengthening a muscle. Now, you might be asking, how can you help your children grow their wizard-brain access? 

Tips for Parents: Building Resilience

Parents are such an important and powerful influence on children. You have so much to offer them! These are the seven strategies we would suggest to support your child in managing their anxiety: 

• Don’t avoid discomfort! As parents, you naturally want to protect your children from pain and struggle. That said, age-appropriate challenges and, at times, painful moments, build strong emotional foundations. Resilience develops when children learn to face and tolerate discomfort rather than avoiding it; you literally can’t build resilience without that piece. When your child is anxious, don’t take them out of the situation immediately. Stay in the moment and remind them that uncomfortable feelings are safe and temporary and they WILL get through it. Even the biggest anxieties won’t last forever.

• Validate and empathize. No one likes to feel unseen or to have their feelings invalidated. Remember, even if the trigger isn’t scary to you, the anxiety is real for them! Turn to them with empathy and understanding. Reflect their reality by saying things like, “I see you’re feeling really worried right now” or “You’re really scared. It’s okay. I’m with you and I’m not going anywhere.” 

• Name it to tame it: Everything is scarier when you don’t know what it is or what’s happening to you. By labeling and naming emotions, children can gain a sense of control over their feelings and an understanding of what they are and how they function. This also helps externalize feelings – while your brain is in lizard mode, you are still you.

• Help your child problem-solve: Break anxiety-producing tasks into smaller, manageable steps. If your child is anxious about sharing during whole group meeting time at school, practice speaking in front of just you first, then in front of the rest of the family, then in class. Or, if your child is having anxiety about playing with new friends at recess, help them make a plan. Brainstorm activities they might enjoy and practice those with you. Next, pick a single friend to talk to at recess. These small successes help them gradually face their fears and build confidence overtime. 

• De-escalation/relaxation techniques: There are so many amazing ways to help children relax – but just like anything, they take practice! In calmer moments, when people are more able to practice new things, introduce de-escalation techniques like deep breathing, stretching, taking outside time, or journaling with words or pictures. You can then ask your child which ones work best for them, and talk about how they can use them when overwhelmed. 

• Model healthy coping skills: Children learn by example, so practicing and modeling coping skills can be impactful. Model calm down techniques during your own stressful moments, such as deep breathing, taking a break, or using positive self-talk. Children learn so much from simply watching those around them. 
• Reframe negative thinking: One of the best things we can do is teach children that not all thoughts are facts, and you can change how you think when the thoughts turn negative or unhelpful. At SRV, we talk about the growth mindset to combat this. Help your child change “I can’t do it!” to “This is really hard for me right now.” Or to add “yet” to the end of a sentence – “I’m not good at drawing YET.” 

Resilience building and anxiety at SRV

At The School in Rose Valley, resilience and anxiety management are woven into our progressive learning approach. Children spend lots of time outdoors engaging in unstructured exploration and risky play—climbing, balancing, exploring the natural world—which allows them to test limits, navigate manageable risks, and build self-confidence. Students develop their social-emotional skills by working in groups, resolving conflicts, and practicing empathy and communication in safe and supportive spaces. SRV teachers not only guide academic growth but also nurture lifelong emotional skills like resilience, emotional regulation, and independence. By fostering a learning environment that encourages self-discovery and personal growth, we help children build the social-emotional tools they need to thrive in and out of school. 

Building resilience and learning to manage anxiety is a process that happens both at school and at home, and what children need shifts as they grow and face new developmental leaps and challenges. By providing consistent support, understanding, and age-appropriate strategies, parents and teachers can help children develop the emotional toolkit they need to navigate life’s complexities with confidence and adaptability.